February 3rd

I have to “get up” in like an hour.  So guess I’m not going back to sleep this morning! Lol  Actually, instead of laughing, I feel like groaning. I never get quality sleep..ever.  I haven’t in years & it sucks.  Sleeping used to be one of my fave past times.  Now I fall asleep for a 2-3 hours & I’m up.  Sometimes I WANT to go back to bed, but for some reason, I feel the need to get on the computer for awhile & then BAM! it’s noon!  OK, maybe not THAT bad, but close.  My middle son & I are going to my mom’s around 9am to watch my almost 3 year old (on the 7th) great-nephew for a few hours.  I’m glad that Dominic is going with me.  Maximus has A LOT of energy! His mom is going out of town with her 11 month old daughter (she’s 11 months old today actually) & her step-dad for a few hours.  She is getting a new dog.  Her and dogs…it’s a long story.  She says the puppy (a pit bull – because she loves that breed) is a birthday present for Max…but I think that’s just an excuse to get another dog.  To be fair, at the moment, she has only one other dog, but still.  The only reason she is getting this one now is because she is finally in her own place.  Mom would NOT have allowed yet another dog at her house.  Max WILL be happy though. I just hope the dog is a good dog & doesn’t bite either child.  I worry about that & a zillion other things.  I hope that maybe the puppy will make Max a little happier.  If an almost 3 year old can be depressed, I think he is.  There have been a lot of changes over the past month or so & I think he’s confused.  First, they finally get their own place.  It was nice, but also $1600 a month.  Then Brandon went to get his two older kids in Wisconsin, gets arrested & Justine & the kids have to move out of the house after only living there for like 2 weeks, because she can’t pay the rent on her own.  So she moves back in with mom until her step-dad moves into his new place & he offers her his old place & she’ll just pay the rent to him.  It’s not the BEST place, but it’s a place.  Max doesn’t understand why his dad isn’t around.  Justine says he asks about him, but I haven’t heard him say anything when I’m around.  I think maybe he says something because she says something.  Don’t get me wrong, I know that Max loves his daddy.  It’s just that Brandon doesn’t have much patience & isn’t a very hands-on parent.  Maybe when he gets back, he will be.  Maybe while he’s been locked up for almost a month, he will have had time to think about & miss his family.  He has court on the 7th…we’re all hoping that he gets to come home then.  Even if he has to go back to Wisconsin for court at some point, at least he’ll be here for awhile.  I’m not going to get into the whole reason why he’s in jail but it’s for something that happened when he was a teenager.  If I could tell teenagers anything, it’s if you fuck up huge when you’re a teenager..it’s going to follow you the rest of your life.  So think about that before you go do something totally stupid.  Another thing with Max…something weird & not good is going on.  I will start at the beginning, though I can’t remember exactly when that was.  Maybe a year ago, maybe  little less.  They were living at my mom’s house.  My two younger boys & myself were there babysitting him one night.  We are sitting at the dining room table.  It’s dark out, I have my back to the window.  My ex husband, Dave, had just left.  He had come by to see the boys.  Dominic is sitting in front of me with Maximus on his lap…so they’re facing the window.  As I watch Max, he gets this horrified expression on his face.  I have never actually seen that kind of thing happen before like that.  Just a look of pure terror.  I got this weird feeling & I asked Dominic “what’s behind me?”  He couldn’t see Max’s face.  He looked at me kinda funny & told me that there was nothing there.  I told him that SOMETHING was there because Max can see it & told him to take him into the living room, which he did.  Max wanted to sit on the couch with the blanket over his head.  He didn’t want to MOVE from the couch.  He wasn’t talking very good at the time yet, but kept saying “Dave” & “teeth.”  OK, well I think he associated whatever it was with Dave because he had just left.  Maybe he was trying to convince himself that it was just Dave trying to scare him, like playing around.  There was no way it was Dave.  It gives me chills just thinking about it.  Hell, I went & locked all the doors.  The teeth thing freaked me out.  So obviously he saw something that we couldn’t see & that didn’t look very pleasant.  After that, he wants those curtains closed at night.  Before they moved out, he had started having nightmares.  I didn’t witness them, but both Brandon & Justine told me about them.  He would be asleep & then just start screaming.  He wouldn’t open his eyes, it was like he was still asleep & they couldn’t calm him down.  They would have to yell at him to wake him up.  Then he would just look around in confusion.  It would take him awhile to go back to sleep.  He would do this a few times a night.  Then they moved into the other house & it stopped.  Now that Justine is back at mom’s with the kids…it has started up again.  It’s ALL the time.  He can just fall asleep & 5 minutes later he’s screaming.  Multiple times a night.  Justine tells me that when he does it, that he is staring straight ahead with wide eyes & won’t look at her.  She says that he is crying but also has an evil look on his face.  He will look at her after he calms down some.  He told her the other night to “get off the bed mommy,” & “get on the floor mommy.”  Yelling at her to do so.  Talking about a truck or something.  Some words, we still can’t understand. The other day when I was down there, during the day, we were all sitting at the dining room table & he is just staring off into space (like we all do from time to time), so Justine is joking like “Max where did you go?”  He ignored her & just kept staring off into space.  She finally had to snap her fingers in front of his face & he kind of jerked back & looked around like “where am I?”  Then she was brushing his hair a few minutes later & he did it again. When she told him to stop it, he put his finger to his mouth & said “shhh.”  OK….now THAT was creepy.  Like out of a horror movie creepy. LOL  I asked him yesterday if he had bad dreams.  He doesn’t really understand what dreams are, so I asked him if he gets scared when he sleeps.  He said yeah.  I asked him why & he said something about a man or men. I’m not really sure.  I asked him where they were & he said “in house” & I asked him “in the house?”  He said yeah, then he said “outside.”  So I’n not really sure where whatever it is IS.  He gets real quiet when he talks about it.  OK & here’s another thing, that I didn’t think about until yesterday & I told mom & Justine.  For the past maybe week…he has started calling everyone “bitch.”  Sometimes he uses it correctly & other times, he just says it.  Then a couple of days ago, he started saying “bullshit.”  He had been saying “shit,” which he DOES here from time to time…either from me or his mom or whatever.  I really have to learn to watch my mouth.  Anyway, NONE of us have said “bitch” around him & none of us say “bullshit” at all.  He doesn’t watch anything on TV except for kid’s shows.  So I don’t know WHAT is going on.  But I think that whatever is scaring him so bad, is also telling him these words.  I know that some people don’t believe in things like that, but I do.  So none of us know what to think.  Maybe when they start staying in the other house tonight, that that will stop.  I hope so for his sake.  Mom said he had fallen asleep in the dining room chair yesterday afternoon before I got there.  That he had only been asleep for like 5 minutes when he woke up screaming.  He was shaking & it took him awhile to calm down.  I have told whatever it is to just stop, that there is no reason to scare anyone, especially a little kid.  I’m sure ‘it’ really listened to me. Lol  My youngest son, Matthew, is 14 now, but he used to “see” stuff all of the time, but that’s a story for some other time.  I did tell him that it was too bad that he couldn’t still see things, because then maybe he could help Max.   So it’s either something bothering him him OR it’s a past life memory.  I know I probably sound weird, but you never know.  It’s times like these that people need to have an open mind.  

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